Phew! The anxiety of days past has left me. Thank God. I knew it would pass but when it is here, it is ugly. I become someone I don't know, or like very much. I have always been what people call "happy go lucky" and I have tended to pride myself in that. I don't get depressed, I don't mope, and if I do feel down I do not (god forbid) let people see it. Well, being married changed all that. So, now my hubby gets to see my shining moments. Luckily, he love me through it all. I actually think he is relieved a bit since it gives him more room to be moody (as all men are in my experience.)
So, what's new with me? Well, I have not played any golf since Albuquerque. I start to feel guilty since I really want to do well but it is hard to drag my butt to the driving range after a full day of work (ok, full day of work and internet surfing...if Al Gore knew the amount of productivity the would be sucked down the drain because of the "information super highway" would he have campaigned so hard on that buzz word?) And, golf is not something you can really play alone (well you could go as a single and join another group but that isn't my cup of tea). My Dad who works for himself golfed 3 days last week and told me that I need to make time for the things that are important. Easy to say when you don't have deadlines. So, as you can see, no golf news.
How about TTC you ask? well, I am 2 days past ovulation and in the lovely waiting phase. I am always hopeful when I know I ovulated and hubby and I got busy at the right times. But, I have ovulated the past 5 months with good timing and no dice. I am hoping that the 6th time is a charm. Argh...6 months. On a positive note, a gal on Fertility Friend whose chart I was stalking because she had a miscarriage a bit before me last year found out she was pregnant today. Yea! She was trying about 10 months I think, so that is encouraging.
I talked to my Dr last week as well. I told her I was "antsy" and was thinking she would start me on Clomid or something. But, she told me that I just need to be patient, all my tests are great, my number should come up soon and she wouldn't recommend referring me to a specialist for another 5-6 months. 5-6 months! I think I would die waiting that long. I must admit, I did feel good that she wasn't concerned. It was encouraging. And I stressed that I just turned 34 but she didn't seem to care.
I do, however, think I will see an RE after 2-3 more months. I already e-mailed an RE who I know through a friend who is very well respected in my area and he told me to come in whenever I feel comfortable. So, sorry Doc but I will be a bit more aggressive than you. :)
Anyway, I am feeling hopeful this month but trying not to set myself up for disappointment. I think I may stop taking my temperature soon because I think it is information overkill. Once I know I ovulated, all I do is try to guess what temps mean. And, the truth is, they don't really mean squat while you wait for your period. I don't even get a temp drop before I get my period, so what is even the point?
More good news..I have a lot of world travel ahead. I am going to Brazil and Argentina at the end of March, Tokyo in May, and Ireland in May as well. All of the trips except for the South America one is timed OK for babymaking (Mark will be with me in Tokyo). Some friends can't believe I would stress about that when given such cool opportunities to travel but, right now, I am focused. I have been all over the world, its great. Now it is baby time. You may not understand it people, but that is the way it is! No shame in it.
Alright, so that is my version of sanity. Thinking too much about TTC and online too much. Cest la vie.
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