It is hard to express how much your life changes with a baby. I feel very blessed to have Skylar and my love for her is immeasurable, but I cannot pretend the life change has not been extremely difficult for me. It definitely has.
Often times I am filled with anxiety for the day ahead. I mourn my old life at times. The time and responsibility of motherhood is overwhelming. I think breastfeeding is a large contributors to my stress because I know that Skylar is physically dependent on me for sustenance. I worry about leaving her with others (even M) because she will often fight taking a bottle of expressed breastmilk. She will take it though but the thought of her fussy and crying makes me crazy.
M just went out of town for business and I think that has been a contributor. I so need his companionship in the pm after being with the baby all day. I do not envy single mothers because spousal love and support is so important for me.
The one person I feel comfortable with is my mother. She has been a dream. She comes to help all of the time and is really familiar with Skylar and how to soothe her and care for her. I feel at ease when she is here and with my daughter. I told her I wish that I could just go live with her for awhile. She though that was sweet. A friend told me that in Japan (I think she said Japan) that women move in with their mothers (leaving their husbands) for the first few months of their infant's lives. makes sense to me!
All of my stressing aside, Skylar is doing great. She is growing and changing. She has started to smile at me and is much more responsive. She is beautiful. She just went through her 6 week growth spurt (lots of fussing and feeding) which was tough (and hopefully over). She is generally a mellow and happy baby. She likes to go to sleep early (between 8 and 9) which creates a 1 am to 2 am feeding for me and then again between 5:45 and 7. But, I don't mind because the 1-2 hours in the pm with M is treasured. We can gaze at peaceful Skylar and relax together and realize that it is all worth it for this precious baby.
2 comments:
She's really cute. Glad to hear that things are going generally well. That first growth spurt is tough, especially when breastfeeding. Sounds like you have a pretty good baby though!
She's so cute!!!!!!
I hope your anxiety goes away, I'm sure it will, and I'm glad your mom has been so supportive, I think their experience is a treasure for these times!!!
Good luck!
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