Mother

I realize that is what defines me now at this time in my life I am a mother. I don't really have time for anything else. Being a type A person who feels that I must always be productive and active, life at home with baby has been a challenge. I often don't have time to address a letter, send an e-mail, or put in a load of laundry. I am trying to learn that this is OK. My friends and family have emphasized that this is my time to take care of Skylar -- nothing else. I am slowly becoming more comfortable with this. For some reason, I thought I would be able to care for Skylar and do everything else. That is just not the case. She needs me -- constantly. And, I love her more and more each day.

M has been a great help. He gets my meals, does the dishes, shopping etc. He can't do too much with Skylar because I am the food source (although I have pumped breast milk so he can give her a bottle and I can get out of the house to shop or get my nails done.). But, he is learning to care for her and bond with her as well. She looks more like him everyday.

Skylar is now 4 1/2 weeks old. She has changed so much! Last night M and I had our first night away to go see a Laker game. My mother babysat Skylar and I pumped milk for her. I was away from 6 pm to 11 pm. It was a bit difficult but I did not call home and tried to enjoy myself. I did but thought of my little girl often. When I returned home, Skylar was sleeping in my Mom's arms. All was well. And she continued to sleep until 4 am! That is a 6 hour stretch. We truly had a night off!

I must admit that motherhood is MUCH harder than I expected. It is not just your life + a cute baby. It is all encompassing and a drastic life change. But, I know that as the time passes and Skylar begins to smile at me and respond to me more and more, I will fall more and more in love with her (if that is possible.)

It is strange to look back at my TTC posts. It seems that the focus is pregnancy and motherhood never really sinks in. Pregnancy was great for me...motherhood is a challenge. But I know that it is motherhood that I truly craved...and it is a challenge that I will rise to. A new little person has entered the world because of the love I have for M and the desire I have to nurture. It is an awesome feeling....I must remember that at 4 am when I am tired and nursing my little one. )