Ain't So Bad

This weekend I suffered a big disappoinment with the evidence that my 5th cycle trying to conceive was a bust. I kept the crying down to one dedicated 2 hour period while in Albuquerque. My husband Mark was wonderful and just rubbed my head and let me cry. He didn't try to make it better and I thank him for that.

I told myself I would only get one good cry. (And after seeing how long the puffy eyes lasted, my own vanity will force me to uphold the rules.) As the days pass it does feel better and I start to get a bit hopeful for the month ahead. That did not stop me, however, from calling my Dr to tell her that I am officially "antsy." I am ready for intevention because I am just am impatient person by nature. And, if one more friend gets pregnant while I sit hear with my empty uterus, I think I may explode!

Well, I haven't been crying but I have been waking up with a a large wave of anxiety. I try to just breath through it, let it pass, get up, and hit the gym. It seemed to work today.

I just found out we will see some friends and their new baby on Sat. I am excited to squeeze the little one. Of course I can't help but thinking the baby I lost would be just over 2 months now and only 2 months younger than the baby we will visit. What if...what if...what if... yeah, yeah, yeah

I can't dwell on that pathetic stuff...onwards and upwards! Ain't so bad.