I have not posted in awhile because I have been really struggling. I have been diagnosed with PostPartum Depression. I am filled with anxiety most days and wake up wondering if I can make it through the day.
Skylar is doing well despite my troubles. I love her as much as ever but feel great grief many days. I am overwhlemed by motherhood and everyday tasks. I am not myself.
I am getting help from friends and family and have gone to seek assistance. Please keep me in yout thoughts. This is a rough time for me.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Daddy Duty
So I left Skylar with M last night for the first really long stretch (from 6 pm to 12:30 am) so I could see a concert for a girlfriend's birthday. I was so stressed about it, I almost cancelled but M insisted. And, I realized I needed to go so I could realize that I could do it. That M could care for her. I think part of my anxiety comes from the fact that I feel such a great responsibility for Skylar and I feel very alone in that.
Well, I left at about 6 pm and Skylar was screaming. It was so hard to leave but M made me go and seemed quite offended that I thought he couldn't handle it. I left 2 bottles of expressed milk so he could feed her. I was stressed about how well she would take a bottle because sometimes she fights the bottle. I have been trying to give her a bottle of breastmilk every day or every other day to keep bottles an option.
I did pretty well all night and didn't stress out and tried to enjoy myself. But, I was racing home as soon as the concert was over. I knew M would not call and check in because he wanted me to relax and not think about home for 1 night. When I got home all was quiet. They were both sleeping. I asked M how it went and he told me she cried pretty hard for the first 45 min then fell asleep at about 7 pm. And, she never woke up! He never fed her, she slept the entire time. I went to sleep at 1 am and she woke up at 2 am. She slept from 7 pm to 2 am after a 5 pm feeding. The longest stretch ever. Dad sure had it easy! And, I never got to see how the bottle feeding went.
Anyway, I was relieved that all was well. But, boy did I miss her. This am we laid in bed playing and she gave me some of the biggest smiles! It is so exciting to have her finally responding to me, I cant wait to her to hear the word Mama. I know it is a long time coming, but it will come! :)
Well, I left at about 6 pm and Skylar was screaming. It was so hard to leave but M made me go and seemed quite offended that I thought he couldn't handle it. I left 2 bottles of expressed milk so he could feed her. I was stressed about how well she would take a bottle because sometimes she fights the bottle. I have been trying to give her a bottle of breastmilk every day or every other day to keep bottles an option.
I did pretty well all night and didn't stress out and tried to enjoy myself. But, I was racing home as soon as the concert was over. I knew M would not call and check in because he wanted me to relax and not think about home for 1 night. When I got home all was quiet. They were both sleeping. I asked M how it went and he told me she cried pretty hard for the first 45 min then fell asleep at about 7 pm. And, she never woke up! He never fed her, she slept the entire time. I went to sleep at 1 am and she woke up at 2 am. She slept from 7 pm to 2 am after a 5 pm feeding. The longest stretch ever. Dad sure had it easy! And, I never got to see how the bottle feeding went.
Anyway, I was relieved that all was well. But, boy did I miss her. This am we laid in bed playing and she gave me some of the biggest smiles! It is so exciting to have her finally responding to me, I cant wait to her to hear the word Mama. I know it is a long time coming, but it will come! :)
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Ch Ch Ch Changes
It is hard to express how much your life changes with a baby. I feel very blessed to have Skylar and my love for her is immeasurable, but I cannot pretend the life change has not been extremely difficult for me. It definitely has.
Often times I am filled with anxiety for the day ahead. I mourn my old life at times. The time and responsibility of motherhood is overwhelming. I think breastfeeding is a large contributors to my stress because I know that Skylar is physically dependent on me for sustenance. I worry about leaving her with others (even M) because she will often fight taking a bottle of expressed breastmilk. She will take it though but the thought of her fussy and crying makes me crazy.
M just went out of town for business and I think that has been a contributor. I so need his companionship in the pm after being with the baby all day. I do not envy single mothers because spousal love and support is so important for me.
The one person I feel comfortable with is my mother. She has been a dream. She comes to help all of the time and is really familiar with Skylar and how to soothe her and care for her. I feel at ease when she is here and with my daughter. I told her I wish that I could just go live with her for awhile. She though that was sweet. A friend told me that in Japan (I think she said Japan) that women move in with their mothers (leaving their husbands) for the first few months of their infant's lives. makes sense to me!
All of my stressing aside, Skylar is doing great. She is growing and changing. She has started to smile at me and is much more responsive. She is beautiful. She just went through her 6 week growth spurt (lots of fussing and feeding) which was tough (and hopefully over). She is generally a mellow and happy baby. She likes to go to sleep early (between 8 and 9) which creates a 1 am to 2 am feeding for me and then again between 5:45 and 7. But, I don't mind because the 1-2 hours in the pm with M is treasured. We can gaze at peaceful Skylar and relax together and realize that it is all worth it for this precious baby.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Settling in?
The last few days with Skylar have been great. She is a really good baby. She has been a great night sleeper and now it seems she is napping more in the day and eating well and farther apart (approx 3 hours). That is good because I start to feel like a walking milk truck. :)
It has been a hard adjustment but I am feeling more a more comfortable and more capable to handle all of the responsibility.
M has been sick so hasn't been much help over the ast week. I started to feel like he was "milking" the sickness to be less hands on and had a serious talk with him about my need for his support and to bond with the baby. At this young age babies are just not that responsive so I can tell it is hard for him to connect. He was sweet and promised to make more of an effort. And, the last 2 days he has been great -- helping me out, singing to her, soothing her, etc. It has really helped.
I can't imagine doing this alone and I applaud the strength and courage of single moms out there.
Woops -- Skylar is calling -- gotta run!
It has been a hard adjustment but I am feeling more a more comfortable and more capable to handle all of the responsibility.
M has been sick so hasn't been much help over the ast week. I started to feel like he was "milking" the sickness to be less hands on and had a serious talk with him about my need for his support and to bond with the baby. At this young age babies are just not that responsive so I can tell it is hard for him to connect. He was sweet and promised to make more of an effort. And, the last 2 days he has been great -- helping me out, singing to her, soothing her, etc. It has really helped.
I can't imagine doing this alone and I applaud the strength and courage of single moms out there.
Woops -- Skylar is calling -- gotta run!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Small Victory
Today I got out of the house with Skylar and took a 40 minute walk then stopped at the grocery store for a few items. A small victory! It is hard for me to be house bound, but I know that caring for my daughter is myu job now.
She is more beautiful every day.
She is more beautiful every day.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Mother
I realize that is what defines me now at this time in my life I am a mother. I don't really have time for anything else. Being a type A person who feels that I must always be productive and active, life at home with baby has been a challenge. I often don't have time to address a letter, send an e-mail, or put in a load of laundry. I am trying to learn that this is OK. My friends and family have emphasized that this is my time to take care of Skylar -- nothing else. I am slowly becoming more comfortable with this. For some reason, I thought I would be able to care for Skylar and do everything else. That is just not the case. She needs me -- constantly. And, I love her more and more each day.
M has been a great help. He gets my meals, does the dishes, shopping etc. He can't do too much with Skylar because I am the food source (although I have pumped breast milk so he can give her a bottle and I can get out of the house to shop or get my nails done.). But, he is learning to care for her and bond with her as well. She looks more like him everyday.
Skylar is now 4 1/2 weeks old. She has changed so much! Last night M and I had our first night away to go see a Laker game. My mother babysat Skylar and I pumped milk for her. I was away from 6 pm to 11 pm. It was a bit difficult but I did not call home and tried to enjoy myself. I did but thought of my little girl often. When I returned home, Skylar was sleeping in my Mom's arms. All was well. And she continued to sleep until 4 am! That is a 6 hour stretch. We truly had a night off!
I must admit that motherhood is MUCH harder than I expected. It is not just your life + a cute baby. It is all encompassing and a drastic life change. But, I know that as the time passes and Skylar begins to smile at me and respond to me more and more, I will fall more and more in love with her (if that is possible.)
It is strange to look back at my TTC posts. It seems that the focus is pregnancy and motherhood never really sinks in. Pregnancy was great for me...motherhood is a challenge. But I know that it is motherhood that I truly craved...and it is a challenge that I will rise to. A new little person has entered the world because of the love I have for M and the desire I have to nurture. It is an awesome feeling....I must remember that at 4 am when I am tired and nursing my little one. )
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Where does the time go?
Well, it has been hard to post to my Blog to say the least.
Life with Skylar is busy but wonderful. She is already 3.5 weeks old! She is the love of my life.
Motherhood has been quite an adjustment. I have spent days weeping because it is all so overwhelming. She needs me all of the time. And, breastfeeding is no easy feat. At 2 weeks she needed to eat almost hourly and each nursing session spanned an hour so that is all I did. I felt like something was wrong but everyone I spoke to assured me it was a growth spurt and it would pass. It has, phew! That week was tough with constant feeding and the cries of a hungry baby in between.
Things ha ve settled a bit but the stress hit me hard and I lost my appetite. I believe I have lost almost all of the baby weight and am in my old jeans already. That was a surprise.
As we turned past week 2 and into week 3 things have gotten much easier and she seldom cried for more than 5 minutes. Now, she spends much of her time quiet and alert-- taking in the world. She has been a great sleeper as well. She often has 4 to 6 hour stretches at night which really helps me get through the days.
My mother has been a dream and has been over at my house often to help. She is a smitten Grandma (although is searching for a name other than Grandma so she doesn't feel so old -- we are almost settled on Gammie.) Through this entire experience I have really discovered how many wonderful supportive friends I have. We have had many visitors, many meals brought to us, mountains of gifts for Skylar and so much love. We are blessed.
I know she is worth all of the hard work.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
She's Here!
Skylar arrived at 1:13 am Wednesday, December 13th.
6 lb 1 oz and 19.5 inches
I had a very easy labor. I arrived at the hospital at 8:00 pm after a full day of mild contractions ( I started timing them at 7 am.) I was 4 cm when I arrived. My water broke at 9 pm. At 9:30 I was 6cm. By 10:45 I was 10 cm and ready to push. We waited an hour and 20 minutes for my Mom and sisters to arrive so they would not miss the birth. They made it. We waited another 30 min for the Dr and Skylar arrived after 10-15 minutes of pushing.
I am so in love with her!
Will post more later --
6 lb 1 oz and 19.5 inches
I had a very easy labor. I arrived at the hospital at 8:00 pm after a full day of mild contractions ( I started timing them at 7 am.) I was 4 cm when I arrived. My water broke at 9 pm. At 9:30 I was 6cm. By 10:45 I was 10 cm and ready to push. We waited an hour and 20 minutes for my Mom and sisters to arrive so they would not miss the birth. They made it. We waited another 30 min for the Dr and Skylar arrived after 10-15 minutes of pushing.
I am so in love with her!
Will post more later --
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Just a matter of time
Well, yesterday I had my weekly OB appt. And, I am 3 cm dilated! The Dr stripped my membranes (which was quite painful and bloody) and said she hoped I would go into labor this morning. She didn't really ask if she could strip my membranes but I guess the dilation and the fact that I am full term impelled her to get the show on the road.
Knowing that it is so close (and seeing a lot of red blood after the procedure) made me nervous for the first time. I have been cramping since last night but with no real rhyme or reason. This morning I have timed my "cramps" (not really calling them contractions yet -- since I am not sure) at about 10-15 minutes apart for the last hour but they only last about 30-40 sec and are not that painful. So, we shall see.
I feel ready and I worked hard last night after the appt to get all of my ducks in a row with work. And, M's big presentation is this AM. He should be done by 12pm so I think all will work within his time restrictions if I was to go into labor today.
Of course, it could still be days away. Last night I was convinced I would be going to the hospital in the middle of the night. But, no, I slept pretty well with not a lot of disturbance despite my cramp evening.
I will keep you posted. Wish me luck! :)
Knowing that it is so close (and seeing a lot of red blood after the procedure) made me nervous for the first time. I have been cramping since last night but with no real rhyme or reason. This morning I have timed my "cramps" (not really calling them contractions yet -- since I am not sure) at about 10-15 minutes apart for the last hour but they only last about 30-40 sec and are not that painful. So, we shall see.
I feel ready and I worked hard last night after the appt to get all of my ducks in a row with work. And, M's big presentation is this AM. He should be done by 12pm so I think all will work within his time restrictions if I was to go into labor today.
Of course, it could still be days away. Last night I was convinced I would be going to the hospital in the middle of the night. But, no, I slept pretty well with not a lot of disturbance despite my cramp evening.
I will keep you posted. Wish me luck! :)
Monday, December 04, 2006
38 Weeks - Still hanging in there
So, here I am at 38 weeks and 1 day. This is truly the final stretch. I made it through my training session with no problems. But boy, teaching a class all day for 4 days was exhausting. I realized that if had to be on my feet everyday (as opposed to at a desk) I would NOT be working up until delivery. I was up at 6:00 am every morning and home between 6:30 and 7. It was a lot of work. But, it was a great success!
I had a Dr's appt this AM and there is no change in my cervix. Still 1 cm dilated and 90% effaced. The head is still as low as low can be. So, co change...no progress. I am comfortable with that. Being early would be exciting but I could use the 1+ weeks to complete my Christmas shopping and get everything completely in line. I just hope I am not late. I would like to be able to see my family at Christmas and not spend it in the hospital. But, I know that Skylar will come when she is good and ready. :)
I can't even imagine what she looks like. I will be so excited to see her. My Dr confirmed that she will be a very long baby since her head is super low but everyone still thinks I am carrying high. Her head can't be any lower so I am definitely not high. This is just one long little girl. Not surprising since I am 5'11" and M is 6'4"! I am all for long and lanky -- let's just keep the head on the petite size. :)
Thats my update for now.
I had a Dr's appt this AM and there is no change in my cervix. Still 1 cm dilated and 90% effaced. The head is still as low as low can be. So, co change...no progress. I am comfortable with that. Being early would be exciting but I could use the 1+ weeks to complete my Christmas shopping and get everything completely in line. I just hope I am not late. I would like to be able to see my family at Christmas and not spend it in the hospital. But, I know that Skylar will come when she is good and ready. :)
I can't even imagine what she looks like. I will be so excited to see her. My Dr confirmed that she will be a very long baby since her head is super low but everyone still thinks I am carrying high. Her head can't be any lower so I am definitely not high. This is just one long little girl. Not surprising since I am 5'11" and M is 6'4"! I am all for long and lanky -- let's just keep the head on the petite size. :)
Thats my update for now.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Officially Full Term!
Well, I am officially full term at just past 37 weeks! My Dr said the baby is free to come at any time now. That is such great news!
I had a Dr's appt today and was surprised to find I lost 1.5 lbs despite the Thanksgiving holiday. I am not complaining. :) I have ready that it is quite normal to lose a few lbs in the final months. This puts my total weight gain at 28 lbs. I am quite happy with this # since I think it is pretty good for my height of 5'11". I wish I could say I didn't worry about the weight at all, but that is a lie. Gaining has been hard for me. I was just hoping I did not gain a crazy amount that was going to be very difficult to take off. I have many friends who gained 50, 60, 65 lbs. So, I have heard my share of post baby complaints.
At my visit today there was no change in my cervix from last week. 1 cm dilated. Although she did say 90% effaced and said that is what she recorded last week -- so I guess I was 90% effaced last week and mistaken.
The training session I am holding starts tomorrow AM so I have just about made it to my work goal. I only need to make it through Friday and I am golden.
Things between M and I have been particularly wonderful. He has been so sweet and appreciative of me, I feel very lucky.
I have a great feeling this will be a wonderful Christmas!
I had a Dr's appt today and was surprised to find I lost 1.5 lbs despite the Thanksgiving holiday. I am not complaining. :) I have ready that it is quite normal to lose a few lbs in the final months. This puts my total weight gain at 28 lbs. I am quite happy with this # since I think it is pretty good for my height of 5'11". I wish I could say I didn't worry about the weight at all, but that is a lie. Gaining has been hard for me. I was just hoping I did not gain a crazy amount that was going to be very difficult to take off. I have many friends who gained 50, 60, 65 lbs. So, I have heard my share of post baby complaints.
At my visit today there was no change in my cervix from last week. 1 cm dilated. Although she did say 90% effaced and said that is what she recorded last week -- so I guess I was 90% effaced last week and mistaken.
The training session I am holding starts tomorrow AM so I have just about made it to my work goal. I only need to make it through Friday and I am golden.
Things between M and I have been particularly wonderful. He has been so sweet and appreciative of me, I feel very lucky.
I have a great feeling this will be a wonderful Christmas!
Officially Full Term!
Well, I am officially full term at just past 37 weeks! My Dr said the baby is free to come at any time now. That is such great news!
I had a Dr's appt today and was surprised to find I lost 1.5 lbs despite the Thanksgiving holiday. I am not complaining. :) I have ready that it is quite normal to lose a few lbs in the final months. This puts my total weight gain at 28 lbs. I am quite happy with this # since I think it is pretty good for my height of 5'11". I wish I could say I didn't worry about the weight at all, but that is a lie. Gaining has been hard for me. I was just hoping I did not gain a crazy amount that was going to be very difficult to take off. I have many friends who gained 50, 60, 65 lbs. So, I have heard my share of post baby complaints.
At my visit today there was no change in my cervix from last week. 1 cm dilated. Although she did say 90% effaced and said that is what she recorded last week -- so I guess I was 90% effaced last week and mistaken.
The training session I am holding starts tomorrow AM so I have just about made it to my work goal. I only need to make it through Friday and I am golden.
Things between M and I have been particularly wonderful. He has been so sweet and appreciative of me, I feel very lucky.
I have a great feeling this will be a wonderful Christmas!
I had a Dr's appt today and was surprised to find I lost 1.5 lbs despite the Thanksgiving holiday. I am not complaining. :) I have ready that it is quite normal to lose a few lbs in the final months. This puts my total weight gain at 28 lbs. I am quite happy with this # since I think it is pretty good for my height of 5'11". I wish I could say I didn't worry about the weight at all, but that is a lie. Gaining has been hard for me. I was just hoping I did not gain a crazy amount that was going to be very difficult to take off. I have many friends who gained 50, 60, 65 lbs. So, I have heard my share of post baby complaints.
At my visit today there was no change in my cervix from last week. 1 cm dilated. Although she did say 90% effaced and said that is what she recorded last week -- so I guess I was 90% effaced last week and mistaken.
The training session I am holding starts tomorrow AM so I have just about made it to my work goal. I only need to make it through Friday and I am golden.
Things between M and I have been particularly wonderful. He has been so sweet and appreciative of me, I feel very lucky.
I have a great feeling this will be a wonderful Christmas!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
36.5 weeks - 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced!
Just got back from an OB appt at 36.5 weeks and I am 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I now that could mean something or could mean nothing.
I have heard of people who are dilated for weeks.
M and mother are worries because they want the baby to wait until at least 12/10. And you know, I am hoping to make it until 12/1 (big work project). But, I know we can't schedule her - she will come when she is good and ready.
I am hoping she delays her debut because I know the longer she is inside me and protected the better it will be for her. The Dr says her official prediction is that I will be early so I am hoping for the week of 12/10. Thatw would be perfect. ;)
I have heard of people who are dilated for weeks.
M and mother are worries because they want the baby to wait until at least 12/10. And you know, I am hoping to make it until 12/1 (big work project). But, I know we can't schedule her - she will come when she is good and ready.
I am hoping she delays her debut because I know the longer she is inside me and protected the better it will be for her. The Dr says her official prediction is that I will be early so I am hoping for the week of 12/10. Thatw would be perfect. ;)
Monday, November 20, 2006
Reality sets in
As my due date nears this while baby thing is becoming pretty real. There have been some major events with a few of my friends. One, who was due 12/2 gave birth last Tuesday on 11/14 . It was her first baby. Her water broke and her husband was out of town. I spoke to her when she was in labor and she made the pain seem awful at just 1 cm. I am hoping she is just dramatic or has a low pain tolerance.
Another friend who is due 1/17 checked into the hospital on 11/12 because her water broke more than 2 months early! Fortunately, her water is regenerating so she is on bed rest and hoping to keep the baby inside for 3 more weeks to get to 34 weeks before delivery. They do not seem to concerned about the baby though. He is doing well and they gave her a few steroid injections to speed lung development. It was a crazy week last week.
All of these early baby's made me a little nervous because M was is Seattle this past weekend. But, he came home last night and my weekend was uneventful (although packed) because I saw 3 different friends each day. One gave me tons of almost new baby things including some bigger ticket items like a swing and extra car seat base. I feel very fortunate that we have saved some $$.
All of the baby purchases gets expensive. My car seat was $230! I know there are cheaper ones but I opted for the Peg Perego that matches the stroller my mother purchased. I was sad to know it is strictly for infants and she will outgrow it at 22 lbs. But, my sister is planning to start TTC in January so my things will be put to good use!
Now I am focusing on Xmas shopping. I want to get it all done ASAP so I know I can go into labor knowing I have it all covered. I wonder if I will be late and still be baby-less at Xmas -- it is very possible. At this point, I don't care when she comes -- as long as it is after December 1st because of my work project. After that, as long as she is healthy I am fine if she hurries up or takes her time.
Sure, pregnancy is getting a little uncomfortable and tedious now but I have been blessed with a great pregnancy so far. I am very mobile and still going to the gym 3-4 times a week + prenatal yoga.
But at 36 weeks it is great to know that Skylar could be born today and healthy! I am so happy all has gone well. Now, I can't wait to meet her and see her little face. I have a feeling that she will look like M and hope she does. He was the cutest little baby. But, maybe I am biased :)
Anyway - back to work...
Another friend who is due 1/17 checked into the hospital on 11/12 because her water broke more than 2 months early! Fortunately, her water is regenerating so she is on bed rest and hoping to keep the baby inside for 3 more weeks to get to 34 weeks before delivery. They do not seem to concerned about the baby though. He is doing well and they gave her a few steroid injections to speed lung development. It was a crazy week last week.
All of these early baby's made me a little nervous because M was is Seattle this past weekend. But, he came home last night and my weekend was uneventful (although packed) because I saw 3 different friends each day. One gave me tons of almost new baby things including some bigger ticket items like a swing and extra car seat base. I feel very fortunate that we have saved some $$.
All of the baby purchases gets expensive. My car seat was $230! I know there are cheaper ones but I opted for the Peg Perego that matches the stroller my mother purchased. I was sad to know it is strictly for infants and she will outgrow it at 22 lbs. But, my sister is planning to start TTC in January so my things will be put to good use!
Now I am focusing on Xmas shopping. I want to get it all done ASAP so I know I can go into labor knowing I have it all covered. I wonder if I will be late and still be baby-less at Xmas -- it is very possible. At this point, I don't care when she comes -- as long as it is after December 1st because of my work project. After that, as long as she is healthy I am fine if she hurries up or takes her time.
Sure, pregnancy is getting a little uncomfortable and tedious now but I have been blessed with a great pregnancy so far. I am very mobile and still going to the gym 3-4 times a week + prenatal yoga.
But at 36 weeks it is great to know that Skylar could be born today and healthy! I am so happy all has gone well. Now, I can't wait to meet her and see her little face. I have a feeling that she will look like M and hope she does. He was the cutest little baby. But, maybe I am biased :)
Anyway - back to work...
Sunday, November 12, 2006
35 weeks and cord blood dilemma
Wow, just less than 5 weeks away. I can't believe it. Sometimes I feel like it has flown by and sometimes I feel like it is creeping by. But, before you know it she will be here.
I continue to have dreams about Skylar and although I never quite see her face, she always has hair. So, it will be interesting to see if that is true.
I had a wonderful baby shower last weekend. It is an amazing experience to have all of the women you care about together in one room. I have friends from many parts of my life and they all seem to get along so well. I saw so many of my friends getting to know each other and exchanging ph#s and e-mails it felt really good to know that i have such friendly and loving people in my life.
I a still feeling pretty good although sleeping has gotten a little rough. I woke up 5 time last night to go to the bathroom and I was having some crappy feeling when I laid on my left side (the preferred position for a preggo.) I just finally propped my feet up and slept on my back. That seemed to help. I lose my ankles from tome to time as well with swelling, but other than that I am not complaining.
The biggest thing I have been focusing on lately is work. A big project is reaching its climax on 11/27 so that is the looming landmark right now -- much more than my due date. Once 12/1 hits and the pilot training session I am leading concludes, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief. I am not worried about going into labor early -- I just have a feeling I will be late. I a a very impatient person so it seems fitting that i will be late.
Tomorrow I have a Dr's appt. She will do the normal routine (weight, BP, baby's HB) and the Group B strep test. Then I will move on to weekly appts and cervical checks! I had to decide about cord blood by this appt and after much thought and research I have opted for public donation as opposed to private banking. Funny how hard it was to find a company to do that.
I really struggled with this decision. It is costly but we could afford it. And, what if I needed it for my baby, would I kick myself for not storing it?
But, the more I read the more it seemed that private banks were distinctly "for profit" and feed off of the fears of new parents. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not endorse private banking (at this point) and there are many conflicting use statistics out there.
An interesting statistic of the public bank is that only 50% of cord blood collected is viable so some will not necessarily be stored in the bank after collection. The private companies do not tell you this. So, quite conceivably, 50% of people could be paying for a storing non-viable samples year after year!
If we all donated to public banks then access to cord blood and stem cells would not be limited to only those who can afford it. So, that is my PSA.
I will check back in after my Dr's appt tomorrow. Ciao!
I continue to have dreams about Skylar and although I never quite see her face, she always has hair. So, it will be interesting to see if that is true.
I had a wonderful baby shower last weekend. It is an amazing experience to have all of the women you care about together in one room. I have friends from many parts of my life and they all seem to get along so well. I saw so many of my friends getting to know each other and exchanging ph#s and e-mails it felt really good to know that i have such friendly and loving people in my life.
I a still feeling pretty good although sleeping has gotten a little rough. I woke up 5 time last night to go to the bathroom and I was having some crappy feeling when I laid on my left side (the preferred position for a preggo.) I just finally propped my feet up and slept on my back. That seemed to help. I lose my ankles from tome to time as well with swelling, but other than that I am not complaining.
The biggest thing I have been focusing on lately is work. A big project is reaching its climax on 11/27 so that is the looming landmark right now -- much more than my due date. Once 12/1 hits and the pilot training session I am leading concludes, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief. I am not worried about going into labor early -- I just have a feeling I will be late. I a a very impatient person so it seems fitting that i will be late.
Tomorrow I have a Dr's appt. She will do the normal routine (weight, BP, baby's HB) and the Group B strep test. Then I will move on to weekly appts and cervical checks! I had to decide about cord blood by this appt and after much thought and research I have opted for public donation as opposed to private banking. Funny how hard it was to find a company to do that.
I really struggled with this decision. It is costly but we could afford it. And, what if I needed it for my baby, would I kick myself for not storing it?
But, the more I read the more it seemed that private banks were distinctly "for profit" and feed off of the fears of new parents. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not endorse private banking (at this point) and there are many conflicting use statistics out there.
An interesting statistic of the public bank is that only 50% of cord blood collected is viable so some will not necessarily be stored in the bank after collection. The private companies do not tell you this. So, quite conceivably, 50% of people could be paying for a storing non-viable samples year after year!
If we all donated to public banks then access to cord blood and stem cells would not be limited to only those who can afford it. So, that is my PSA.
I will check back in after my Dr's appt tomorrow. Ciao!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Caught!
So, I live in Southern California very near the settings of those tragic TV shows "Laguna beach", "Real Housewives of OC" and let's not forget "The OC." Not that these are reality...but...there is a level of reality to it. Yes, there is a lot of money. Yes, there are seas of silicon boobies. And, Yes Materialism is having a field day in my backyard.
I try to resist as much as I can, and I do . But some of it does start to rub off. Thank god I have graduated to a full B in pregnancy. (Sad that is takes being 8 months pregnant to hit the second letter of the alphabet.)
Anyway...Bugaboo strollers are rampant here. I have been doing my best to ignore this overpriced but oh so cute luxury item. Them seem to be everywhere I go. And, people always ask "Are you getting a Bugaboo?" Why do they ask? Even a sale gal at Babystyle was pushing one on me when I told her that it seemed crazy to pay $700-800 for a stroller. She said she had one and it was worth every penny. Now excuse me, but how much do they pay cashiers at Babystyle? Maybe I need to pursue a career in mall retail. Or, marry rich...
Anyway, I have been fighting the urge. We could afford it but I am trying to avoid it based on principle and thoughts of the other useful items I could buy with the $500 I would save if I stuck with the stroller I previously selected. I had told M about it and told him of my urges. He supports my restraint 100% and agreed to discourage me when I leaned the other way. He thinks that price is crazy.
So, sometimes I have weak moments. And, yesterday I had a brilliant idea. A gently used Bugaboo! I could indulge with less guilt. So, I found an ad in Craig's List (love that site by the way!) for a gently used Black Bugaboo Frog. This could screw up my will power. The price tag is still a hefty $500 but a savings nonetheless.
I left the scene (the computer) to have dinner with my sister and left the ad open on my computer. Well, this AM when I sit down to work there is a Post it stuck to my monitor from M that reads:
"$500 is way too much for a pretentious stroller."
Caught!
I try to resist as much as I can, and I do . But some of it does start to rub off. Thank god I have graduated to a full B in pregnancy. (Sad that is takes being 8 months pregnant to hit the second letter of the alphabet.)
Anyway...Bugaboo strollers are rampant here. I have been doing my best to ignore this overpriced but oh so cute luxury item. Them seem to be everywhere I go. And, people always ask "Are you getting a Bugaboo?" Why do they ask? Even a sale gal at Babystyle was pushing one on me when I told her that it seemed crazy to pay $700-800 for a stroller. She said she had one and it was worth every penny. Now excuse me, but how much do they pay cashiers at Babystyle? Maybe I need to pursue a career in mall retail. Or, marry rich...
Anyway, I have been fighting the urge. We could afford it but I am trying to avoid it based on principle and thoughts of the other useful items I could buy with the $500 I would save if I stuck with the stroller I previously selected. I had told M about it and told him of my urges. He supports my restraint 100% and agreed to discourage me when I leaned the other way. He thinks that price is crazy.
So, sometimes I have weak moments. And, yesterday I had a brilliant idea. A gently used Bugaboo! I could indulge with less guilt. So, I found an ad in Craig's List (love that site by the way!) for a gently used Black Bugaboo Frog. This could screw up my will power. The price tag is still a hefty $500 but a savings nonetheless.
I left the scene (the computer) to have dinner with my sister and left the ad open on my computer. Well, this AM when I sit down to work there is a Post it stuck to my monitor from M that reads:
"$500 is way too much for a pretentious stroller."
Caught!
Ready to launch
Well, I had my last ultrasound yesterday. My Dr had ordered a third trimester ultrasound at 32 weeks to take another peek at the ovarian cyst and ensuring it is not getting too big. She also wanted to check me out before I travel to Georgia this weekend for a family wedding. I am passed their usual time when they allow travel.
Well good news! The cyst has gotten smaller. It measured smaller than last time and the baby has grown considerably so it looked a lot smaller too. So, I am hoping it will continue to shrink an disappear by the time Skylar is a month old...which is what the Dr predicted.
We also found that the baby is heads down and nuzzled way down in my pelvis. In "launch position" is what the u/s tech said. Actually, she was nestled so far down that the tech had difficulty finding and measuring my cervix. She actually said, "You may not be going to that wedding" and "Have you had any contractions?" so I could tell she was concerned. But, she switch to a transvaginal ultrasound and was able to find and measure the cervix. And, it was closed and just over the 3 cm they like to see. So, I was cleared for travel.
I am not sure if she will stay heads down, but I hope so since that will decrease the likelihood of a breech position and possible C section. I would really like to avoid a C section if possible.
The baby now weighs about 4 lbs. and is in the 42nd percentile. The tech said that this means that full term, if she continues to grow at the same rate, she will likely weigh 7 1/2 lbs. That sounds good to me. I have had many friends having 8 lb + babies lately. My last friend's baby was 8lb 8 oz! Yowza!
I am very excited for the trip this weekend. M's family is a lot of fun and I really could use a break from work. I had a major deadline yesterday and was just exhausted. And, there is more to come up until the final week in November.
Finding something to wear to a wedding was a challenge. I really love dressing up but of course none of my dresses fit over my basketball. And, I just wanted to make sure I felt good and comfortable at the same time. Luckily I found a simple black maternity cocktail dress that didn't break my bank. I have been so lucky with maternity clothes because so may of my friends have recently had babies and have lent me tons of clothes. Cute, expensive one I would have cringed at having to buy. So, the # of items I have actually bought is pretty small.
Same goes for baby clothes and supplies. Everyone has been so generous (and happy to get stuff out of storage in their garages!) and we have benefited.
So now, we are just waiting for baby. I am so excited for her arrival and to take the time off work to spend with her. I can tell M is going to be the best father. He is so cute in those baby care and childbirth classes we have had. And, he does a great swaddle and diaper! :)
Well good news! The cyst has gotten smaller. It measured smaller than last time and the baby has grown considerably so it looked a lot smaller too. So, I am hoping it will continue to shrink an disappear by the time Skylar is a month old...which is what the Dr predicted.
We also found that the baby is heads down and nuzzled way down in my pelvis. In "launch position" is what the u/s tech said. Actually, she was nestled so far down that the tech had difficulty finding and measuring my cervix. She actually said, "You may not be going to that wedding" and "Have you had any contractions?" so I could tell she was concerned. But, she switch to a transvaginal ultrasound and was able to find and measure the cervix. And, it was closed and just over the 3 cm they like to see. So, I was cleared for travel.
I am not sure if she will stay heads down, but I hope so since that will decrease the likelihood of a breech position and possible C section. I would really like to avoid a C section if possible.
The baby now weighs about 4 lbs. and is in the 42nd percentile. The tech said that this means that full term, if she continues to grow at the same rate, she will likely weigh 7 1/2 lbs. That sounds good to me. I have had many friends having 8 lb + babies lately. My last friend's baby was 8lb 8 oz! Yowza!
I am very excited for the trip this weekend. M's family is a lot of fun and I really could use a break from work. I had a major deadline yesterday and was just exhausted. And, there is more to come up until the final week in November.
Finding something to wear to a wedding was a challenge. I really love dressing up but of course none of my dresses fit over my basketball. And, I just wanted to make sure I felt good and comfortable at the same time. Luckily I found a simple black maternity cocktail dress that didn't break my bank. I have been so lucky with maternity clothes because so may of my friends have recently had babies and have lent me tons of clothes. Cute, expensive one I would have cringed at having to buy. So, the # of items I have actually bought is pretty small.
Same goes for baby clothes and supplies. Everyone has been so generous (and happy to get stuff out of storage in their garages!) and we have benefited.
So now, we are just waiting for baby. I am so excited for her arrival and to take the time off work to spend with her. I can tell M is going to be the best father. He is so cute in those baby care and childbirth classes we have had. And, he does a great swaddle and diaper! :)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Maternity photo
I had some maternity photos taken 2 weeks ago (approx. 29 weeks). Thought I would share one of my favorites.
Monday, October 09, 2006
The Big 3-0
I am now in my 30th week of pregnancy and in the final stretch. It is hard to believe although I cannot say that the time flew by. Sometimes I think it did but when I look back to April when I was getting my first few ultrasounds it seems many moons ago.
One thing that may be soothing for those newly pregnant after loss and feeling stressed and worried (as I did) -- I DID and HAVE stopped worrying. Once I felt movement (approx 17 weeks) I no longer worried and now I feel pretty calm and relaxed. Even the baby's ovarian cyst does not worry me because my Drs and research have told me that it is not dangerous. So, I hope that is comforting to some.
I think I am starting to feel a bit fatigued and Blah again. Yesterday (Sunday) I did not have much motivation for anything (besides laying around and doing some household chores.) I even took a nap which is not like me at all (not even pregnant me.) It is funny but I always feel guilty when I am not productive. But, sometimes I have completed all of the tasks at hand and do not really have anything else to complete (besides things that require $$ which we are trying to hold off on since the new car purchase.)
The tasks I do have outstanding are work related. I have a major project to complete before maternity leave. I am due 12/17 and plan to work until 12/15 if I can. My work has been great since we need to all get together at the end of November (12 people from all over the US) and they are all coming to me since I cannot travel. Let's hope I don't go into labor early while leading a training course. :) I gave the disclaimer though because it could happen since I will be 38 weeks pregnant.
A funny thing I have noticed is how many more people/strangers talk to me since I am pregnant. I have specifically noticed this at the gym. People just chat me up -- and it has been mostly men believe it or not. (I have not yet had a stranger rub my belly though!) Often people talk about their own kids or how life changing children are, etc. I don't mind -- I find to very interesting. Of course there is that time where you just want to get on with your workout and people won't leave -- but I always try to move away gracefully.
This is not all that unique because I often (even when not pregnant) attract strangers who chat. Not sure why -- I think I am just approachable. I was ALWAYS the one in college who got approached by the campus Christian groups and invited to Bible Study -- it was a big joke among my friends. I think it is because I smile a lot. And it is true -- I usually have a perma grin. I was even voted "Best smile" in high school. It is just my normal facial expression at rest I guess. This will not be good for lines later on I know.
One thing that may be soothing for those newly pregnant after loss and feeling stressed and worried (as I did) -- I DID and HAVE stopped worrying. Once I felt movement (approx 17 weeks) I no longer worried and now I feel pretty calm and relaxed. Even the baby's ovarian cyst does not worry me because my Drs and research have told me that it is not dangerous. So, I hope that is comforting to some.
I think I am starting to feel a bit fatigued and Blah again. Yesterday (Sunday) I did not have much motivation for anything (besides laying around and doing some household chores.) I even took a nap which is not like me at all (not even pregnant me.) It is funny but I always feel guilty when I am not productive. But, sometimes I have completed all of the tasks at hand and do not really have anything else to complete (besides things that require $$ which we are trying to hold off on since the new car purchase.)
The tasks I do have outstanding are work related. I have a major project to complete before maternity leave. I am due 12/17 and plan to work until 12/15 if I can. My work has been great since we need to all get together at the end of November (12 people from all over the US) and they are all coming to me since I cannot travel. Let's hope I don't go into labor early while leading a training course. :) I gave the disclaimer though because it could happen since I will be 38 weeks pregnant.
A funny thing I have noticed is how many more people/strangers talk to me since I am pregnant. I have specifically noticed this at the gym. People just chat me up -- and it has been mostly men believe it or not. (I have not yet had a stranger rub my belly though!) Often people talk about their own kids or how life changing children are, etc. I don't mind -- I find to very interesting. Of course there is that time where you just want to get on with your workout and people won't leave -- but I always try to move away gracefully.
This is not all that unique because I often (even when not pregnant) attract strangers who chat. Not sure why -- I think I am just approachable. I was ALWAYS the one in college who got approached by the campus Christian groups and invited to Bible Study -- it was a big joke among my friends. I think it is because I smile a lot. And it is true -- I usually have a perma grin. I was even voted "Best smile" in high school. It is just my normal facial expression at rest I guess. This will not be good for lines later on I know.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Sick sick sick
I am sick. I have a nasty cold that started on Sat and just won't seem to let up. I have tried not to take anything but Sudafed (regular) is on my list of approved medications while pregnant. So, I have taken that once to twice a day when I really need to feel better to get work done.
It was funny buying Sudafed because at my pharmacy you have to pick up a card on the shelf and get it from the pharmacist after scanning your ID. And you are limited to one package. I guess Meth addicts are using Sudafed to create drugs. Hmmmm and this is approved for a pregnant gal? That is why I try to resist taking it - but sometimes I just need relief!
And, little Skylar doesn't seem sick at all. She is rocking and rolling there stronger than ever.
M and I started Lamaze classes. He went to his first one last night. I can't say it is too enlightening because it is a lot of relaxation breathing which seems kind of like yoga breathing to me. I think what I like most is attending with M and having him there as my birth partner. I am a sucker for partner type things. I am not sure he loves going but he gets a kick out of how I eat it up. He thinks I am such a dork with my goofy focal point and how seriously I take everything.
Quite frankly, I wonder how much Lamaze I will use since I do plan to get an epidural. I don't really have the desire for a natural childbirth. I have a lot of trust in medical science and feel like if something can help me -- I'll do it. I totally respect those who choose to go drug free, just not for me, I guess. Although I do wonder how I would handle it. I think I would do quite well so maybe I will see how much labor I can take before opting for the epidural. A lot of people get it at 3-4 cm no matter what. We'll see - but I suspect I will not have a drug free birth and I am not ashamed. :)
It was funny buying Sudafed because at my pharmacy you have to pick up a card on the shelf and get it from the pharmacist after scanning your ID. And you are limited to one package. I guess Meth addicts are using Sudafed to create drugs. Hmmmm and this is approved for a pregnant gal? That is why I try to resist taking it - but sometimes I just need relief!
And, little Skylar doesn't seem sick at all. She is rocking and rolling there stronger than ever.
M and I started Lamaze classes. He went to his first one last night. I can't say it is too enlightening because it is a lot of relaxation breathing which seems kind of like yoga breathing to me. I think what I like most is attending with M and having him there as my birth partner. I am a sucker for partner type things. I am not sure he loves going but he gets a kick out of how I eat it up. He thinks I am such a dork with my goofy focal point and how seriously I take everything.
Quite frankly, I wonder how much Lamaze I will use since I do plan to get an epidural. I don't really have the desire for a natural childbirth. I have a lot of trust in medical science and feel like if something can help me -- I'll do it. I totally respect those who choose to go drug free, just not for me, I guess. Although I do wonder how I would handle it. I think I would do quite well so maybe I will see how much labor I can take before opting for the epidural. A lot of people get it at 3-4 cm no matter what. We'll see - but I suspect I will not have a drug free birth and I am not ashamed. :)
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